This interview was done through the mail in late '94 with Lance, guitarist and vocalist of one of the best pop-punk bands around today, J Church. Read on and live them.

ANNOYANCE- You seem to have put stuff out on a few labels, do you hope to just stay with one, or is it a goal to be on as many as possible?
J CHURCH- People always ask to do records for their label. If we like them and we have stuff available, we do it. We love 7"s. I've always loved singles. If I had my way, we would do a new single every month.

ANNOY- What is your least favorite seasoning or condiment and why?
J CHURCH- Seasonings? Every season has its time and place. As for condiments, I don't like non-egg mayo. Veganism is cool and all, but vegan mayo sucks.

ANNOY- Have the major labels come a'knockin' yet? What did/will you do?
J CHURCH- They have. We haven't We may. We may not. Realistically? Not very likely.

ANNOY- Ten years ago, where did you think you'd be in 15 years?
J CHURCH- Ten years ago I was 17 and I wanted to be a writer or a rockstar.

ANNOY- What do you think of cereals these days, what with brighter colour Fruit Loops, tons of new marshmallows in Lucky Charms and so on?
J CHURCH- Granola, Corn Flakes, occasionally Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries. That's it at best. I generally hate cereal and breakfast and try to skip it.

ANNOY- What does the future hold for J Church do you think/hope?
J CHURCH- More records. More tours. Maybe a double album some day? Loads more singles.

ANNOY- What are your favorite albums of all time?
J CHURCH- "London Calling" The Clash, Rites of Spring LP, "Harvest" Neil Young, "Beggars Can Be Choosers" Newtown Neurotics, "Exile On Main Street" Rolling Stones, "New Day Rising" Husker Du, Cheap Tricks' Greatest Hits, that Mission of Burma double album, the Beatles White Album, I dunno...

ANNOY- Any cool new or old bands you'd like to recommend or just tell us about?
J CHURCH- Four Point Star are awesome. Guns and Wankers are great. Small 23 are cool.

ANNOY- What is your worst fear?
J CHURCH- No toilet paper at very key moments.

ANNOY- When do you think the vegetable invasion will begin and how?
J CHURCH- Vegetables? Ha! They don't stand a chance! F*ck vegetables! All hail Junk Food Vegetarianism!

ANNOY- Who is responsible for writing the music and lyrics?
J CHURCH- For better or for worse, that would be me.

ANNOY- How did you, a California band, get involved with Dead Beat Records, an Ohio label?
J CHURCH- They just wrote to us and got us on a good day. They seem to be real nice guys. We had a couple of extra tunes from the "Quetzalcoatl" album. The more recent single... well it's basically... it's somewhat illegal.

ANNOY- Where does bologna come from?
J CHURCH- Below the knee.

ANNOY- Who is your favorite relative and why?
J CHURCH- My uncle. He's a total f*ck up. Nah, my kid sister, Lori.

ANNOY- What is the secret meaning of "Open 25 Hours" music (BMI)?
J CHURCH- My favorite all night donut place has a big sign with that very declaration. Hunt's Donuts on Mission at 20th. Very good stuff. Try the apple fritters.

ANNOY- Just how many jellybeans are in the jar, do you think? How'd you come up with that?
J CHURCH- 594. I don't know why.

ANNOY- Any cool childhood tales to share?
J CHURCH- When I was in first grade, I was forced to take karate. I hated it and my instructor was a dick. So one day, after a few sodas, I pissed all over him in front of everyone. Not much of a story, but true.

ANNOY- What is your favorite article of clothing?
J CHURCH- My shoes.

ANNOY- What is your dream job?
J CHURCH- Haagen Daz taste tester.

REVERSE INTERVIEW! (give questions to these answers.)

ANNOY- It's sorta like wicker, ya know, but different, I can't describe it well.
J CHURCH- What's your mama's underwear like?

ANNOY- Zachary or maybe Marmaduke.
J CHURCH- What will you name your first born?

ANNOY- I'd have to say 25 round, soft ones with serrated edges.
J CHURCH- If you could swallow anything in a laxative factory, what would it be?

Well, that is all. I thank Lance and J Church heartily for their time and great music. Keep the faith.